30 before 30
I turn 30 on August 11, 2016 and here are 30 things I would like to happen by then, some hopefully a lot sooner than that.
1. Move to another state in a nice apartment or house.
2. Get over my biggest fear: driving.
3. Read 100 books.
4. Go to school for something I love.
5. Make some friends so I’m not so lonely.
6. Get Kala to stop being so jealous and trust me.
7. Stop being so afraid of things.
8. Stop picking at myself, it’s a bad childhood habit I still have.
9. Not worry so much what other people think of me.
10. Go to a foreign country for a vacation.
11. See my parents and brothers more often.
12. Ignore when someone ignorant tries to put me down.
13. Stop always putting other people’s needs ahead of mine, because most people only look out for themselves.
14. Find Kala a job that she likes and can keep so I don’t have to solely carry our relationship’s financial responsibility.
15. Stop worrying about money so much, because it’s not everything, some things money can’t buy.
16. Have more fun in life and not so serious all the time.
17. That my mom can appreciate and love me for the person I am and not criticize me so much.
18. I watch how much I swear.
19. To try real hard and get rid of the depression, because it eats at me every day.
20. Get real drunk, at least once.
21. Write a book.
22. Learn to talk about how I feel, rather than hold it in.
23. Never ever put my hands on Kala or anyone else that I care about, for as long as I live, because it doesn’t solve anything.
24. Buy myself something really nice and expensive and have no regrets.
25. Adopt a kid or two.
26. Stop always trying to compare my situation to others.
27. Help Kala to realize she’s a good person and can do anything she sets her mind to and that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to her.
28. Stop letting others trying to control me and influence me.
29. See”Lion King” on Broadway.
30. Take more time to relax and not be so stressed out over the stupidest things.
Stop the worrying
I’m almost 24 years old and I often wonder where the first 23 years of my life went to. Time just races by and the days go by so quickly. Anyways, the first 23 years of my life I have learned a lot and there’s a lot that I wish I could change about myself. I wish I was more outspoken and told people how I felt instead of trying to hide or sugar coat everything so I don’t offend the other person. I wish I knew what the future holds, but in some ways the mysterious is exciting. I wish I was more of a fun person to be around, because I know at times I am boring as hell. I worry way too much, even about the stupidest things, like what I’m going to eat for dinner or if there’s milk in the fridge so I can have breakfast in the morning. I wish the depression would go away because happiness is the key to the door of life. The depression makes it feel like everything is hopeless, like there’s no hope at all. I wish I didn’t panic and worry so much about what other people think of me. Let them think whatever they want, I know who I am. I know I was taught differently, but I wish I thought of myself more before others because the more people I try to help out, the more I get screwed over. I try to be a decent, honest person but I feel that it hasn’t really gotten me any where. I’ve been working since I was 16 and I just want a break. I know I work my butt off for EVERYTHING. I know I have a really strong work ethic and I think that’s my best quality. Here I am working 40-50 hours a week at a very physical job to make sure myself and the people I care about have everything they need. I mean, I’m a 23 year old guy. Not to be stereotypical, but most guys my age are out partying, going to strip clubs, indulging in alcohol and so on. But I guess I’m different from that. I mean I enjoy cutting out coupons and shopping for goodness sakes, I think that sets me apart. I love listening to U2, I guess their music helps my mind at ease. I’m actually listening to “Beautiful Day” as I type this. I can watch reruns of “Friends” and never get bored. I can live off of cereal and Mountain Dew. Well only for so long, anyways. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I know I’m different from most guys and in some ways it’s a good thing but then maybe it’s not in other ways. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I partied all the time and drank beer more than anything else. But I know that’s not me and I can’t pretend that I am something that I’m not. I know who I am. I know I have good qualities and there is things I can improve on. But no one’s perfect, every one has their faults. I give 110 percent into everything I do, because that’s the person I am and want to be remembered as when I pass on someday. I wish more people were like that in this world. I think that’s where some of the depression comes from. I work so hard and give so much to other people and don’t take time for myself. I always worry about pleasing others and making sure everyone around me has their needs fulfilled before I worry about my own. Yeah, sure there’s times when I want to give it all up and say “screw the world” but I know I’ve accomplished a lot and can’t let myself down or the people I care about. I’d give the shirt off my back to anyone and sometimes I hate that about myself. I see people all the time abusing the system, treating others with no respect, just because they are selfish and only think about themselves. And the worst part about that? They don’t acknowledge they’ve done any wrong and get away with living an ungrateful and disrespectful life. These people suck. Plain and simple. I am an honest, hard working person, why can’t every one be the same way? The world would be filled with a lot less hate and greed. We all only get one shot at life. I take nothing for granted, because I know in a heartbeat, it could all disappear. People need to realize it’s a miracle in itself to wake up every morning because it’s never a given. It’s just hard to believe I’m almost 24 years old. I’m happy that I have an apartment with my beautiful girlfriend and her grandmother and a full time job with great benefits, especially with the way the economy looks. I know I’m still young and everything, but there’s time that I wish I was a kid again with no worries or responsibilities. It’s a lot of work that goes into making sure everything gets paid every month and everything gets done around the house. But we’re not poor, far from it. I always make sure there’s food to eat and that we all have what we need. I don’t take advantage of people, like I said before, I work for everything we have. And we don’t need anyone’s help either, I guess that’s me being stubborn lol. I’d rather give $20 of groceries to someone who needs it then take it for myself. I know they (Kala and grandma) appreciate all that I do. Heck, I treat her grandmother 100 times better than her own kids do, she’ll even tell you that herself. And I’d help Kala with anything I could in my power, but I think she already knows that. I try to make the people around me better but I know I need to start thinking more about me because I don’t want to wake up one day when I’m older and think where did my life go? I know I’m almost 24 but I have a lot of life to live and need to stop being depressed and worrying about so much. I can’t change other people, I can only control myself. Sometimes that’s a hard concept for me to grasp but all in all, things will eventually fall into place, I know they will.
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